It's All About the Pounds

I'm just one stomach-flu away from my goal weight.
~The Devil Wears Prada

In all fairness, those of you who may have a weak stomach may just want to skip today's post. For the rest of you, sick bastards.....read on.....

Well I have to admit of all the fad diets I've tried, coming down with the stomach-flu has been the most effective way for me to lose those last 5 pounds. I worked my ass off to lose the 60 pounds I gained while pregnant, but try as I might, I was stalled right at those notorious last five. Nothing I did helped. Not the three-hour daily workouts, not the Zone Diet, not the South Beach Diet, not the Sonoma Diet, not even the poached chicken and pureed cauliflower diet. NOTHING!! That was until my adorable little niece came down with the Norovirus, and it spread like a vicious wildfire throughout our entire family.

After two days of hovering over the toilet and consuming nothing but Saltines and Gatorade, I had done it! I had lost those last 5 pounds! Actually I had lost 7 pounds, but who's counting except for me? It was a curse and a blessing. Now I'm just wondering how long it will be before someone figures out we need to bottle-up some of this wretched stuff and promote it as the lastest weight-loss remedy. Why not? It is natural, right? And easy, and free, too. You don't have to do one of those refrigerator and pantry overhauls, you don't have to buy a food scale, or count points or calories.

Is it not God's little way of curing us from our cruise-ship-buffet gluttony? I mean, really, are all these recent meat recalls such a bad thing? We, Americans, are quickly, if not already, the most obese nation on the planet. Could it really hurt us to come down with a little Salmonella now and then?